need...to...close...chapter....

this sucks. another mental breakdown, well almost., gah i dunno. i guess i've not 100% cured, lol. semi-sub-consciously i'm still thinking of her. outside or actively i seemed to have gotten over her. but apparently semi-sub-consciously i've not, and part of me seems to want to find a way to get back together with her, while the more rational part is screaming "ARE U MAD!? YOUR NOT MEANT TO BE! YOU'LL JUST END UP SUFFERING AGAIN". bleh. once again i sink into confusion.

well since she's closed the chapter on her side, its time i unofficially, and officially, theorically, practically, virtually, etc, close the chapter on my side as well. not need, MUST. its not a luxury or desire or choice, it is a necessity.

well bday's coming up, just did a rough list of invited ppl, maybe i invited too much, lol. oh well, i've yet to figure out to just book 2 pits, or, a chalet as well. *pulls hair*

nvm. that can wait, well at least for a little while more. now? i need to get demons of Retention out of my head, and move on in life, in ALL aspects, not just the outside part.

maybe i should throw myself into NS so i can REALLY occupy myself huh? heh
fuck, life doesnt seem to get any easier the older u get.