ignore prev post

sorry ppl. ignore the prev post. it was written in pure hatred and anger. lets just say i let those emotions get to me and blind me and put the blame where it doesn't belong...

i'm sorry jacq for being such a bitch. i appreciate u having try your best to get everything settled for me, for explaining why rachel behaved that way, and suggesting wat to do.. will call on your assistance if necessary.. i'm sorry to have blamed u for almost everything when at least half is mine to blame.. i'm sorry to cause your blood pressure to rise and all..

u said that i have not changed, ur right. i'm still the delusional mcp who thinks he's always right and everyone else is wrong. thank you for your feedback and waking me up... i really do hope u get well soon.. and no i did not mean when i said u can die after settling my stuffs... i do hope u get well soon and enjoy the fresh air and life once again..

rachel, sorry for being such an asshole. i hope u forgive me and give me another chance. i'm sorry for not allowing myself not to be pacified by you, i didnt acknowledge that have been trying your best, always being there for me, apparently i seemed to have it for granted and ignored it when i needed it the most..

i noe i seemed to have always perpetually digging my own grave...putting my foot into my mouth and shooting myself in the foot eversince we got together... but i want u to noe that u mean a lot to me, and i am trying my best not to do things to piss u off on purpose.

i hope u wont be cold to me tonight, i really do hope to make it up to u... i missed u so much eversince u went away for your japan trip.. the last thing i want is to lose u when u just got back...

but if u do not want to be together anymore, i understand and will yield.. there's some things in life even a perfectionist cannot control...

watever your resolution rachel, i still love you..

Fux0red Part(i forgot how many i've been in already)

well lets see, how screwy was my day? supposed to go to work, but overslept and ended up MIAing at home again. rachel's finally back in sg, talked to her last nite, missed her so much, but that wat i'm feeling now. i'm feeling severely annoyed, pissed and frustrated. not just at 1 person. here, jacqueline was supposed to go to dbs hq and collect money to return to me. but she's still stuck in hospital. way to go jacq. promised since wed, but due to unfortunate circumstances she has had an asthma attack and is now in the hospital.well i'm trying my best not to sound cold and heartless, but i dun care really,i just want my money back.pls dun tell me sad and sappy things and make me pity you.i have the capability to, but pls dun take advantage of it and make me suffer with u.watever happens to u, pls dun drag me down later on.i dun care wat u think of this post later on,i dun care wat ppl will think of u either,if they really noe u well,they'll understand your situation, if not then too bad. watever it is, u better not die, YET. gimme my money back. then u can die all u want.i do not intend to keep contact after the money is returned.dun ask for favours,etc.leave me alone.and dun bother calling and asking me about this post. i'll just hang up on you.

there goes my plans for the day. as a perfectionist, do u noe how irritating it is when your plans fuck up? and for a long time it seemed to always been jacq's fault. cool huh? of coz u all have to take note that this is my perspective. u all are entitled to your own perspectives so dun let mine affect yours of jacq.so dun come and blame me for changing their perspective of u jacq.u can tell me all u want, your perspective/opinions doesnt count. its my blog and i will write watever the FUCK i want. I.DO.NOT.CARE. everytime i DO care, i suffer. i dun mean to be selfish, but why should i help u and suffer later when i'm not even your bf?

anyway other than that we have rachel.i was simply talking about how i think creative mp3 players and the ipod, no matter how small their physical size, or the amount of data they can hold, i feel the battery life is wat i think is the factor. coz by far, all memory/hdd-based mp3 players will have a rather short batt life span. meaning up to like 20hrs average playtime. to me, no matter how much the amount of songs u can hold,u'll have onli 20hrs of playtime before recharge. thats right. 20hrs on average ONLI. that means u wont be able to like, have an ipod on the go for a long time. which imo, sucks. why? well its rather hard to explain, i for one, would find the charging of the ipod annoying.and the amount of space available is just far too much. waste of space and money. lets look at the more cost effective solution. mp3 discmans. think sony. now thats some impressive piece of hardware. why? if ur a person who's like me, soon u'll understand. the kind of songs i listen to, can be squeezed into 1 blank cd. and with the rechargeable slim batts, and the external AA batt casing, the discman can last up to 80hrs i think? and thats on audio cd. if it played mp3, it'll last longer. which means all my fav songs on 1 disc, with shuffle on,running on both batts. now if i listen to an average of 1-2hrs a day, that would mean the discman can last me 40-80days w/o having me to change the AA batts, or recharge the slim batts. isnt that number impressive?maybe its my logic, but imo i think thats cost effective, in both space,batt efficiency, etc. and how much does my mp3 discman cost? i think it was onli $159(or was it 259, cant remember, it was present anyway). now even if it was 259, its still cheaper than most mp3 players, esp the ipod, mini or not. and based on my needs that the songs i want are able to fit into a disc, this would mean i would not need to change my disc for around 40days min, theorically that is. by far this is the most efficient thing i can think of.

apparently rachel sounded disgusted by my logic. why? she thinks i want the shuffle, etc, all done automatically with me not doing hardwork. hence i quote another eg, where in sch we should study smart, not hard. then shoots back how this year's O lvls were designed to beat those kids who study smart. ytf would anyone want to do that? its not like those who study smart are like cheating, and if u wanna study the WHOLE txtbk and memorise it, i think thats plain stupid. its not like ur gonna apply EVERYTHING u learn anyway, correct? but at the end of the conversation she seemed disgusted and disappointed with my way of thinking. am i wrong? i'm a perfectionist, which means i will find ways to efficient-cise a process, watever the process it maybe.

then later i happened to be joking with her concerning having 'heard' of a 'urban legend' concerning "hell hath no fury like a woman scorned". now, keyword here is, JOKING. of coz i've heard of such a phrase, and no i do noe it is not urban legend. she goes on to explain that women are more emotional and that piss them off and they can torture men fo eg, not giving them sex and not do anything physical at all. since i thought she was joking, i just jokingly shot back, that since i'm a snag(Sensitive New Age Guy) and a metreosexual(a hetreosexual male who bothers to take care of his looks and physique, something like that, think brazillian wax) that i'm bound to be just as emotional, which i really am. but that seemed to have annoyed her. later in the train she noticed that i was rather tired, and said that she didnt need me to send her back, but i insisted. then she said she walked alone in the red light district when she was in japan, and nothing happened to her. ok fine, no need to send her back then. and later when i wanted to hold her hand, she pulled her hand back a bit, i thought i missed and went to grab it again and she pulled it behind her. i looked and her questioningly and she gave me that "hell hath no fury like a woman scorned" look. FINE. 2 CAN PLAY THAT GAME. and about not sending u back? fine. i wont send u back anymore then. u girls think u can always take care of yourself right? go ahead then. i'll just remove that ability out of the whole package. is it so wrong to be nice and gentlemanly and send u back? u wanna play punk right? when u noe my plans already screwed for the day, u still wanna be like this. cant be bothered to say bye to her when i got off at clementi. rushed back home to pen my thoughts, right now. u can forget about me calling u tonight, coz i'm too pissed to care about anything.

here's my cat again! in another one of those cute positions! notice how human like she mimics! must be all the hanging around with my family, haha! 

She's Gone Lyrics

well, here's the lyrics as promised

She's gone,
Out of my life.
I was wrong,
I'm to blame,
I was so untrue.
I can't live without her love.

In my life
There's just an empty space.
All my dreams are lost,
I'm wasting away.
Forgive me, girl.

(Chorus)

Lady, won't you save me?
My heart belongs to you.
Lady, can you forgive me?
For all I've done to you.
Lady, oh, lady.

She's gone,
Out of my life.
Oh, she's gone.
I find it so hard to go on.
I really miss that girl, my love.

Come back into my arms.
I'm so alone,
I'm begging you,
I'm down on my knees.
Forgive me, girl.

(Chorus x2)

Lady, oh, lady.
My heart belongs to you.
Lady, can you forgive me?
For all I've done to you.

updated music

well here's the song ppl. she's gone by steelheart. some old skool hard rock band i think, or was i metal. oh well way before my time i think. anyway jacq has ever mentioned that this song sounds damn Mat. but i dun care, as long as its in eng and its metal, anything goes. sent to me by my first ex, at thought it was cheesy, but the tune and lyrics is nice. a song that ran thru my head over and over again last time when jacq broke up with me. and its happening now again :D. well its temporary as explained in prev post. enjoy the song ppl! will post lyrics tmr or something, no time now, need to sleep, just finish playing 3hrs++ of maple story LOL.

she's gone.... (for nearly a week that is, heh)

*insert song She's Gone by Steelheart*

maybe i'll put that up later when i get back home. heh
well rachel's gone for the weekend and more. off to japan with her family for holidays on sat evening and wont be back till like, wed afternoon or thurs morning. its onli sunday and i already miss her... T.T

sigh. feel so lonely and empty already. i think i'm addicted to love. not those kind which frens and family can give, but the kind whom that special someone can give.. *fwaps wankers with rolled newspaper* and no i'm not talking about lust and sex. i'm talking about the emotions and feelings. *fwaps wankers again* those in your heart, not the physical ones. i have to elaborate, coz with my rep, everyone thinks i'm a dirty minded mofo who prolly is a playboy and many gfs or sleeps around at least -.-'
(of coz with a gay fren constantly trying to get into my pants, i'm not surprised)

granted i talk a LOT about sex, but that doesnt mean i sleep around -.-'

i'm an honourable fella. call me a mcp(male chauvinist perfectionist) if u want, but i'm no sexist and will never degrade women(unless someone actually tried giving a bad name to the female species) and why a mcp? i'm not saying we men are superior coz i do believe that there are certain things guys can do that women cant, and vice versa. god's fair and the world is in balance, from a certain of view that is. i'm saying that i am chauvinistic about certain things, honour and the need to treat women right, and defend them when the need arises(yes i've been reading too much fantasy/medieval stuff, i AM a hopeless romantic anyway) but this isnt a post about that. and i dun cheat in games, esp in maple story where i see a lot of ppl using game hacks, and best of all, some of my close collegues are using it.
-_-' wtf? oh well i shall not start my self-righteous talk and preach to them on ethics. sleep around? i dun do that, its pointless, its not even half as gd as if done with someone u love.. when the emotional attachement isnt there it feels like crap. i'm sure u wankers noe wat i mean. the one time i ever did something similar, remotely similar even, it screwed the rest of my life. its like karma, once u pull a crazy stunt like that, it'll come full circle to kick u back in the ass one day and serve your ass on a silver platter. well i'm glad to be out of that circle, my karma is over(or so i hope) so as long as i dun pull off anymore crazy stunts, i dun need to worry bout screwing up my life anymore. and as with my 'i'm an honourable person' statement, i'm adamant about uploading such values, from something trivial like gaming, to something important like relationships.

man.. i miss her so much... the emptiness reminds me of my prev break-up with jacq, cept that i'm over that, and this is something temporary. she was supposed to sms me when she reached japan, saying she has activated her auto-roaming on her mobile line, but nothing yet. personally i think maybe she hadnt coz non of my sms got thru to her, not to mention if i were ever to call her, it'll be diverted directly to her voicemail. SIGH.

well do hope that its because her auto-roaming isnt activated that i cant get to her, and coz of a plane crash. that'll suck, then the emptiness will once again become permanent..

well i hope ur doing fine dear... come back to me k? i miss u so much already.. (yeah yeah sputter and die u wankers,go read something else if this is too mushy for u)