*sigh*

well its another stupid lonely off day which i've spent 3/4 of it already stuck at home. why? cos i only have $0.40 in my pocket, and -$0.57 in the ezlink. and i'm supposed to meet nick later to show him crumpler bags at wheelock place in the evening. *pulls hair* i seem to be developing this habit of being broke and then stuck at home during my off days. not very healthy...

anyway finally watch a X Japan(jrock band) live concert dvd. the dvd was code 2, and previously my old dvd player could onli watch code3 onli. and i have to return nick's stuff today, took the chance to look at my fav song played live. it was pretty much the last song of the whole concert, so i just skipped all the way there. its called Endless Rain. a hard rock/metal ballard. nice piano and guits. might not be anything complex but its very emotional. infact i was wondering ytf everyone was emotional and crying in the band. unti i realised this was their last concert together...

the song was damn emotional man, made me tear even... the soundtrack vers of the song which i'm gonna put up does NOT compare at all to the live vers... but i'll put it up to share anyways...
though i've gotta admit the vocalist's voice sound wasted, lol, otherwise the song rocks...

*starts crooning "endless rain...."*

Endless Rain
by X-japan

I'm walking in the rain
yuku ate mo naku kizutsuita karada nurashi
karamitsuku koori no zawameki
koroshi tsuzukete samayou itsu made mo
Until I can forget your love

nemuri wa mayaku tohou ni kureta
kokoro o shizuka ni tokasu
mai agaru ai o odorasete
furueru karada o kioku no bara ni tsutsumu
I keep my love for you to myself

* Endless rain, fall on my heart kokoro no kizu ni
Let me forget all of the hate, all of the sadness

Days of joy, days of sadness slowly pass me by
As I try to hold you, you are vanishing before me
You're just an illusion
When I'm awaken, my tears have dried in the sand of sleep
I'm a rose blooming in the desert

It's a dream, I'm in love with you
madoromi dakishimete
* repeat
I awake from my dream
I can't find my way without you

The dream is over
koe ni naranai kotoba o kurikaeshite mo
takasugiru hai iro no kabe wasugi satta hi no
omoi o yume ni utsusu
Until I can forget you love
* repeat
Endless rain, let me stay
evermore in your heart
Let my heart take in your tears, take in your memories

bummer pt3

BLAH. cant believe we lost the damn soccer game. first game and we were out, cant u believe it? and the damn pitch was SLIPPERY due to the turf ground and my shoes were for hard cement court. (btw the place was at the Royal Sporting House in Gulab Building at MacPherson Rd) bleh. and my team captain, rick, was telling me how easy the Trainer's team were gonna be. WTF EASY? easy my ass. when he said easy, my perception was easier than that of the usual thursday evening standard. but nooo.... most of them were large indians(or dunno la, those dark skinned races, not sure if singh or etc) not onli were they gd that sheilding the ball from you and using the walls. BUT THEY ARE SO FUCKING ROUGH. its like playing back in sec sch when u noe everyone's better than u. i swear i can almost hear darren's mocking laugh and shouting "eh faiz! eat more rice la!" lol. used to be rather skinny, and whenever i played soccer i would be tackled and bodypushed to hell and back. anyway thats about all they were gd at. pace wise we still had the advantage. infact managed to shoot a few times, including a nice volley(i wonder if anyone took a photo of that volley, i'd love to see it man *drools*) unfortunately none went in. *sigh* one of my teammates managed to score one, but we let in 3 goals.

we had a nice plan, but everyone just went their own ways, and i pretty much went 'gabra' due to screw up of plans. bleh. i guess my inexperience let me and my team down once again... GAH
no manuver at tanaabs as well. why? COZ THEY WERE BODYPUSHING AND SLIDING AND argh. ok lets not get into that.

well all's fair in love and war. as much as how rough they were, i couldnt bring it on myself to hate them. infact 2 of the opposing players were my starhub trainers. nice game in the end after all even though we lost. i guess its the same thing it should be with relationships. u may have had a good thing going but now its over. all's left are the memories to remember and smile upon.
infact, on the way home couldnt help but be nostalgic. missed her, missed her company, missed her face, her smile, her presense. but there's nothing that can be done. wats done cannot be undone. infact felt like crying but once again couldnt cry. or infact maybe i did just that tears wouldnt come out.

well coming back to work tmr. stomach's feeling a hell lot better, heh.

on another note, time flies very fast. the older u get, the faster time seems to go by. and less then a month away, i'll finally turn 21. wow. lol. i still feel like i'm stuck being an 18 yr old. i still feel like i'm not old enuf to be 21 or something. or do all 21 yr olds feel like this? lol.

oh well...

SOCCER TIME YEAH!!!!!

well this is it. the moment of truth. time to get ready for soccer and all. since they signed me up for the tourney, they have some hint of faith in my abilities... I MUST NOT LET THEM DOWN. i shall throw myself over the edge if i do(the turf court is like on a rooftop lol, more on that in later's post).

i hope i can perform the manuver at tanaab, lol. and hope get more than 2 matches to play. coz if we lose the first, we're out... wish me luck ppl...

and now i present to u another gloomy song...

Autumn's Grief

[music: Eternal Tears of Sorrow]

[lyrics: Vetel?inen]

The dance of two free souls...No more masquerades of mortals. Just you and me as nightly guests at the dance hall of our last Autumn. Your look's so faithful, so brave...as you feel our common pain. Our lives and love now in a single stream...the stream of our last Autumn's grief

Together we lived our lives...and together we will leave...It shall be the final tie of our bloody seal...We gave our secret promise on the shore of our red streams...The bloody oath of real love...the oath of red falling leaves...

Your look's full of passion...as the night kisses your skin. You close your eyes and also let me feel our common will. This crimson stream will be the final step on the path of our mortal lives. You know our love is real...and oh yeah, so do I...so do I

Together we lived our lives...and together we will leaveIt shall be the final tie of our bloody seal. We gave our secret promise on the shore of our red streams. The bloody oath of real love...the oath of red falling leaves

Together we lived our lives...and together we will leaveIt shall be the final tie of our bloody seal. We gave our secret promise on the shore of our red streams. The bloody oath of real love...the oath of red falling leaves of the last Autumn

bummer part 2

ok this sucks, i'm actually sick, lol. something rare, haha. went to the doc and was diagnosed with stomach flu. even gave me 2 days mc, lol.

bad day at work yesterday, the damn gastric started after lunch. wasnt hungry, so i just went for my usual diet of biscuits. those round sweet marie claire one or something. soon, i was beginning to feel fucked up. slight diaherra, and constant puking. its like, every 15mins or after every call(whichever faster) i'd have to run to the toilet lol. couldnt concentrate anymore had to pass some of the harder cases to a collegue to assist in troubleshooting.

felt fucked up when i got home, damn bloated. infact, i couldnt really sleep the whole nite, kept tossing and turning, and couldnt sleep sideways, coz it hurt my tummy. 4.30am+ i was wide awake, i have nfi how come, coz i knew i was tired and all. apparently by morning the bloatedness was still around, and had to puke to make it better. called in sick this morning. i'm still contemplating on going to work tmr, oh well.

anyway in answer to, presumebly, lin's response, she's right that i did check on her email and frenster. and of coz its wrong. i'm sorting that out, infact, there's no chance for me to do anything of that sort anymore anyway. though i dunno wat u mean when u said this "she claims her friend put the money in her account. she checks and the money is gone, she's left with what she initially had?" if u think i took it away, then u have to understand that i do not have her atm card, and she doesnt have net banking to my own account. just a pre-emptive statement, just incase, sorry if it meant something else.

and to my frens, sherm and clint, i hope u didnt get the wrong idea about the shortchanged part, nothing to do with the money, just the relationship thingy. infact apart from wat i've said, u have to remember i gave her the authorization to borrow money from me, just make sure she asks first, was partly annoyed in the last post due to her telling me onli AFTER she took the money. anyway all's fine, no worries.

and i do agree, on another level, "you rant and rave so much about others judging another just by reading their blogs, not truly taking the opportunity to get to know the person before drawing to such conclusions." i'm just taking a neutral stand on this statement. they have had their own experiences, hence drawn to the same conclusion and remarks. but at the same time i do feel that they do not noe jacq as much i do personally, hence they dun have the right to exactly bring her down in that manner.

"but do they know that you log into her email account? that you read her email? that you log into her friendster account as well?"
well logging into her email at least.

"where is the maturity and depth that you claimed to have achieved?"
i'm wondering at the same thing myself. i'm still on the journey of self discovery. i AM trying to improve myself now and all. i might have sounded childish, but i am working on it.

"because you guys should have come out of it changed. for the better. to realise mistakes, to make amends and start anew."
trust me, i'm trying my best, really am.

*wipes sweat off forehead* hokay.... i think the medicine's startin to work on me. feeling a lot better and sweating it out at the same time. i wonder if i should get something to munch on, getting a phobia for eating now, coz i'll prolly just end up puking it all out again...
as much as i'm hungry, everytime i look at food i will feel like puking and have no appetite.


anyway ppl, conclusion? sherm and co, i'd appreciate if just keep your anger and frustration to yourself or something. i mean even i'm not THAT angry, so i dun see a reason why this should be the case. i DO appreciate you guys' support and concern... but i'll be fine. infact i AM back on my feet, just learning to walk once again thats all. so ppl, no worries k?

to make everyone's life easier i shall start being more positive and post happier songs ^^

*still contemplating eating a muesli bar, bites lips*
nah, i think i'll just go retreat to the warmth of my bed for now....