Tuesday, January 31, 2006

False Hopes

i've given myself too much false hopes. and saharah is just to comfy being with me, even tho she doesn't mean it in that way. and she doesn't seem to be able to stop thinking of her ex and all. we even had a little honesty arguement. saying something about how i'm not honest enough to tell her that it wasn't ok for her to be all close to me and all. the level of closeness we have is like a couple in a BGR. minus the hugs, kisses and 'i love you's.

when i finally told her what i thought after what she thought(which was to stop seeing each other too often and/or stop being too physically close to me) she thinks i wasn't honest enough to tell her back then, instead of waiting for her. tsk. and i made the mistake of telling her that i was gonna quietly distance myself from her.. which opened new grounds for arguement. the problem was that we were using each other. to keep each other company and stuff, and for me as someone to fill that emptiness in my heart even when she wasn't my gf.

haven't been talking to her eversince, which was last sat. she hasn't bothered to msg me either. sigh. and being alone these few days is starting to make me think about my past relationships.. and memories and thoughts of yunnie, surprisingly, are coming back.

not to mention last nite there was a ro melody(private ragnarok online server) outing which she came. i'm not sure if i have any of those feelings for her, but hell, i still do lust for her. didn't make it better when she wore that super short skirt of hers. tsk. seeing her again after so long made my heart skip a beat. didn't think this would happen to me but it did.

and today, found a way to screw a girl. don't ask me how when where and why. i just did. and yes i had to pay for it, tsk. will u stop asking now? sheesh.
anyway, she was slim and had A cuppers. didn't feel satisfied coz.. it felt really awkward. it's just coz she was too slim. didn't particularly make me horny enough it seems.. sigh. then it hit me, i guess i'm sexually attracted to slightly plump women.. not like those like jacqueline, but more to yunnie's size. i think i have a thing for those thunder thighs, and of coz those big boobies that usually come in those packages. sigh. i dunno what's gonna happen now.

i'm in need of female companionship.. anyone care to fill in the role? sigh

oh and as i've promised, new song. it's called Jisatsu Ganbou by Dué Le Quartz. it's a jrock song by a jrock band(duh). its a song that my band had been trying to get right for months, but it's just too much. funny how i didn't post this song up before.. yeah.. well enjoy anyways.