i'm gonna burn down DBS HQ...

wats taking them so long to retify an error and transfer the money back into my account!? just because someone made an error of transfering to someone else's account which had the similar account number to mine, doesnt mean u can take 1 week to transfer back and charge me $60 for 'administration' purposes! and they cant even take the $60 off total money thats supposed to be transfered back. wat a bitch. another off day gone JUST like that. and why? cos i was broke and had nothing to do but let the day pass by and attend my weekly soccer thingy. its good i'm finally having some sort of healthy recreation. infact i cant fit into my jeans and pants anymore, cos its too big for me now! heh. but damn tummy's still there, grrr... maybe i really should invest and go to gyms... i'm not gay and i dun wanna sound Himbotic, but i'm jealous of guys who are tall and broad shouldered. its my damn frame. i'm born into a family who's heritage always had short guys. *mutter mutter* and my long neck makes me look....obscene.

anyway summary of yesterday:
did meet up with my fren to celebrate her bday. poor girl, couldnt find anyone else to celebrate with. so wat does that mean for me? i have to offer her my social escort services, foc. wat a bitch. lol. ok its not THAT bad, but i felt sad and went out of pity for her. went to eat dinner at tiong bahru... then went to dhoby ghaut for a while to play xbox, then just chilled out outside the dhoby ghaut mrt. lol. the girl's addicited to some songs i sent her online. like the current song i've posted, Wander by Kamelot and some All Star United songs i sent her as well. she shared some photos with me, photos of her mum, siblings and cousins. at that point of time klaxons were going off in my head i tell u. she looks more indian, well a bit mixed, and has an uncanny similarity to asra's voice. more klaxons going off. i just hope just because i accompanied her to her bday thingy, doesnt mean i'm interested in her or anything. next thing u noe, end of the day, she's asking if i'm free tmr and want to meet up or not. in addition to the current klaxons blaring in my head, my eyesight became to get hazy. not good. told her i had errands to run and my weekly soccer to attend. sure sounded sad man. tried her luck again today, asked if soccer was cancelled or anything. bleh. of coz i still had errands to run and the soccer and all...

anyway before that, i had to meet jacq for a while, coz i needed her to do me a favour and get my pay cheque this sat. now dun worry guys, its a normal cheque with my name on it, which means it'll onli be able to be put into my own account. so i had to pass her timesheets so she can collect the cheque from my job agency. since she was meeting her ifte, i assumed he would be waiting in town. of coz i was wrong. and they were waiting on clementi mrt platform on me. and the bugger's taller than me, and he's younger to boot. broadshoulders and all... but of coz the onli flaw was, he's not as good looking as me *beams* lol =x

anyway she did her usual hug and all, which i didnt like, coz it'll make me feel terrible, and i usually reserve my hugs to guys, or incase of girls, those that i love. anyway i was sweating profusely, due to hot weather. and she took my hanky and helped me wipe. ARGH. i really hope she stops doing all these... things. its not healthy for my mental state of mind. infact it affected me so much, my fren could tell when i was so emotional when we listening to some love songs on her discman. *sigh*

have to tell her to stop hugging me everything she sees me, lol.

and yet, once, again i've been turned down to date. indrani said its not a good time, coz she's busy or something. i've learnt not to 100% trust wat ppl say these days. i've turned into a skeptical cynic. or cynical skeptic, whichever way. blah. its just like back in sec sch... cant believe my market value has plummet SO badly....

anyway time for my soccer soon... since money's not in, i couldnt get replacement ball, i hope the guys will understand and forgive me...
and i hope i dun balloon anymore balls man... bleh

bad habits

lol, this is turning into 1 bad habit. stuck at home during off days because broke, lol.
ok maybe almost for today. hope damn bank transfers the cash later today or tmr at least. there was a transfer error made, and damn bank said it would have to take a week to clear the error and transfer back to my account.... GRRRRRRRR.

checks wallet. hm. $6.65 cash and about $5 odd in ezlink. and i'm supposed to go celebrate a fren's bday today, lol. very bad...

primary thing is conserve on transport at least... then can use cash for dinner or something.
*rubs chin* at least i have dad to go send me to work this whole week coz i'm working 8.30am shift.

*prays* plsplspls give me back my money by tmr latest... i need it...
its not just hp bills and insurance premiums i need to pay... but basically i need to replace a soccer ball i 'ballooned' over the fence and into the army camp beside my work building during last thurs's soccer thing.

and its time to put on a new mellow love metal ballard...
*blinks* hm, somehow the word metal just didnt fit in with the other words, lol, but after listening to the song maybe u'll understand why i called it so...

i present u, Wander by Kamelot, taken off their latest album(IN WHICH I HAVE THE LIMITED EDITION ONE YEAH!)

Kamelot - Wander

I recall one summer's night
Within the month of June
Flowers in mahogany hair
And smell the earth in bloom
Only such a melody
Comes without a sound
More than faintly heard by those
Who know what they have found
Now it's just a memory

Silently we wander
Into this void of consequence
My shade will always haunt her
But she will be my guiding light

Silently we wander
In search of truth and confidence
So many hopes we lost here
Along the way from morning to night

Meet me by the wishing well
In cover of the moon
Whisper to me tenderly
That I will see you soon
Sing that song from long ago
So I remember you
Flowers in mahogany hair
And mellow days in June
Only for the memory

From ashes we were born
In silence we unite

need...to...close...chapter....

this sucks. another mental breakdown, well almost., gah i dunno. i guess i've not 100% cured, lol. semi-sub-consciously i'm still thinking of her. outside or actively i seemed to have gotten over her. but apparently semi-sub-consciously i've not, and part of me seems to want to find a way to get back together with her, while the more rational part is screaming "ARE U MAD!? YOUR NOT MEANT TO BE! YOU'LL JUST END UP SUFFERING AGAIN". bleh. once again i sink into confusion.

well since she's closed the chapter on her side, its time i unofficially, and officially, theorically, practically, virtually, etc, close the chapter on my side as well. not need, MUST. its not a luxury or desire or choice, it is a necessity.

well bday's coming up, just did a rough list of invited ppl, maybe i invited too much, lol. oh well, i've yet to figure out to just book 2 pits, or, a chalet as well. *pulls hair*

nvm. that can wait, well at least for a little while more. now? i need to get demons of Retention out of my head, and move on in life, in ALL aspects, not just the outside part.

maybe i should throw myself into NS so i can REALLY occupy myself huh? heh
fuck, life doesnt seem to get any easier the older u get.

annoyed

i noe its all out of the blue, but i just wanna type about how i'm feeling right now, i'll bite anyone's head off if they even think about commenting anything negative or start any name calling.

i was in the middle of speaking with a fren, on the phone, when someone we all noe too well call and started asking if i was busy or anything. i mean i wouldnt say i was busy, but i dun wanna get interrupted unless its something important. asked me about wat kinda firewalls mac uses. *blinks* htf would i noe? do i look like i use a mac? u've said it once before, if you'd given me one, would i noe how to use it? geez. ok fine, that wasnt the key point. next she's asking me wat i'm doing. well told her i was talking to a fren on the phone. i swear, at this point of time, i did not owe her any other details, its not her problem to ask so much. BUT SHE DID. "who la? your fren no name?" i'm like WTF. I KNEW SHE WOULD ASK THAT. fuck. wat is wrong with her? I DO NOT OWE OR HAVE OBLIGATION TO ANSWER THAT QUESTION. back then yes, because i am obliged, owe, etc, u are supposed to noe, so i would understand if u were to ask. now? i mean htf would u feel if i were to asked and pestered u on who the fuck your talking with now? back then u had trouble answering such questions, your frens always lacked names, wat makes me think u'll do the same thing NOW? if u noe how u always answered me, pls expect the same thing from me, dun expect anything less or more, coz i'll end up like this. now look wat u made me do. u made me power trip, and go all moody. spoilt the conversation i had with my fren even.
and when i called you back, u said sorry and gimme this analogy "i'm a sales person, and watever i'm selling doesnt appeal to the you" bad analogy. lemme explain to you wat exactly i want. put yourself in your prev shoes. if u never liked me asking u those questions, then dun do the same thing to me. thats all, dun expect anything less or more as i've mentioned. fine, ur just glad, and happy, etc. BUT THATS THE WRONG WAY OF EXPRESSING IT. teasing? thats not funny, coz its become a pet peeve. continue to do things that u never even bothered to do back then, and i swear i will power trip again, and worst off even than now.

if that didnt make sense lemme go try some analogies of my own.
think of office network administration.
win2k, user rights and privileges.
you were from dept A, and had access to a lot of company resources, then maybe one day, u got downgraded or something, and got moved into another dept B, in which the network admin has to remove some rights and privileges. of coz when u try to access the resources in which u ONCE allowed to, u wont be able to now, correct? infact, maybe upon trying too many times might just get your own account locked out of the network.

i cant let go and move on? sorry isnt enuf? maybe if u didnt make so many mistakes, once in a while sorries would have been acceptable. BUT THIS IS RIDICULOUS. u make it sound like ANYTHING'S excusable as long as you apologise. my god. PPL SUFFER DAMMIT WHETHER OR NOT ITS YOUR FAULT OR NOT. i swear, one day, if u were to accidentally be the death of me, u'll just apologise non-stop and hope thats sufficient. and when ppl flame u, u get defensive and give that stupid 'sales person' analogy above, and expect ppl to take it or leave it.

geebus, flame me all u want, coz i'm gonna quote, "THIS IS MY BLOG AND I CAN WRITE ANYTHING I WANT TO".

fuck.

anyway had a fun time at Zhen's bday, mutual frens of clinton's, sherm's and mine. she even made an effort to cook non-pork stuff for me, so sweet, haha.

there was this mixed girl that i found attractive called indrani, whom i met at the walas walas bar the many many weeks ago, with clinton. well, she looked diff somehow. diff from the first time i met her, and from her frenster photos. i mean she still does look cute =D
indian+burmese. but as usual, i kinda chickened out, coz i'm supposed to make my move or something right? lol anti-climax. i hope no one noticed that i didnt do anything proactive =x. ah well. but i still think she's cute and attractive =D and damn, i didnt even take a photo with her, man i have to work on my skills...

well there were a LOT of drinks. infact i think i was the onli mofo that drank so much. thank god i had dinner first, i'd prolly puke again if i didnt.
and contrary to how clinton set me up to strip at the party for the girls, i didnt fall for it haha. but since i was high, i guess i had to satisfy everyone, since they were nicknaming me the stripper the whole nite -_-'
so i gyrated and shook my ass a bit. with my clothes on mind u =D
that seemed to satisfy everyone, lol.

sleep was good when i got back heh heh.
infact, slept so tight and well, that i woke up too early, since i was working 11.30am. speaking of which, phone system at starhub was down man. major downtime and all. haha. 400++ calls abandoned. man. management is gonna have the heads of those in charge of maintaining the phone system.

well work again tmr. 8.30am shift. i was gonna save money but after wat just happened, i feel like going to esso to go get me a pack of ciggies. fuck.
its not that i dun want u to be my fren and all, or that i dun wanna talk to u or anything. but can we just avoid things that may power trip me? pls? dun remind me of anything negative, and that'll be fine. dun ask so much, coz when u left me, such privileges are gone. i understand that, so u better start to as well.