Denied my revenge..

well. how should i put it.

i dun even noe where to begin. all i can say is, i hate myself for the decisions and plans i made yesterday. why? since i dunno where to start so i'll just fucking list them in point form

• rachel msgs me in the afternoon telling me she doesnt want to meet up(which was fine with me at first)
• on the spur of the moment, decided to last minute ask out an old fren, whom both our mutual fren happens to be a collegue at work. so since all 3 of us are finishing work at the same time(9pm) why not, i had to submit my timesheets at my job agency, so we planned to have dinner after that
• apparently rachel did went out to meet her fren, and then another not-so-close fren joined them.
• long story cut short, first rachel's fren had to go off, leaving her with the 2nd fren, a guy(the first was a girl) which was WAY too touchy.
• somehow they ended up hanging out below her block, and the mofo tried to be funny, demanding hugs from her, and all, all of which rachel did not consent to or want, even telling him that she's already attached and all.
• mofo hugs her anyway, tries to force himself on her, carrying her(yes tall mofo, at least as strong as me) onto his lap, groping her breast and tried to get between her legs, all this in the void deck of her block in public.(wtf?)
• of coz after that she forced herself off him and went home

the things i regretted doing, last minute plan with fren(if i knew such a thing were gonna happen, i'd insist on meeting rachel anyway.

i demanded her to get him to meet up tonight so i can confront him and all(and hope he retaliates so i can punch him legally) but she doesnt want that to happen. why?

1. she's afraid he'll start stalking her out of spite
2. that there's a possibility that i'll lose to him
3. she just wants to forget the whole incident coz she's never gonna see the mofo again

wtf? me? lose in a fight? pfft. but she is right. there's always that possibility. a slip, a freak punch to a wrong area of the body, anything.

sigh. its like denying the samurai his honour! he cant even hara kiri! ARGH it was so frustrating. i wished she would have just call me so i could just cab down and protect her or something. thats 2 dents in my record. 2 FUCKING DENTS(this the first with rachel, i'm not obliged to discuss the other, who's of no concern to me anymore)

why cant i be protective and useful. she says that when i'm around no one would try to be funny and all. but where's the kick in that!? i wanna be useful WHEN i'm around. when such things happen, so i can come in with my stallion and shining armour and decap the mofo.

almost couldnt sleep at nite, it was 4.45am by the time i finished talking to her on the phone and my last cig before i sleep. but i just couldnt fucking sleep. i keep thinking. even cried a bit. why cant i be more useful to my loved ones? i noe i'm no superhero, but this just isnt fair! i bet that fucking mofo is mocking and laughing at me too. "HAHAHAHA I PWNZ J00! I GROPED YOUR GF'S BREAST AND THERE'S NOTHING U CAN FUCKING DO TO ME BWAHAHHA"

ARGH THE MOCKERY IS DRIVING ME CRAZY.

anyway a few mins of tossing and turning, my cat jumped on my bed and start meowing. she must be wondering why i'm feeling this way. she lay beside me and she let me stroke her. pets are indeed theraputic.. after i was at peace once again, did she leave me and my bed and i could sleep finally..

anyway that mofo's nick on msn is retroboy77. those who have this fucking moron on your list, pls do forward me his details so i can kill him. lurks in #power98,galaxynet, unsure of his irc nick tho. such scum are not allowed to live freely and be a menace to society.(i might be horny and perverse at times, but i still have morals and ethics, i do not just fuck around with anyone and everyone, and anyone who thinks they can when the other party doesnt consent deserves to die) and retroboy77 if ur reading this, your head's on my wanted list. ur so fux0red.

confirmed meeting rachel tonight. i hope he appears since he stays around bt panjang area. i dare u to attempt to stalk her. i'll make sure u do not wake up tmr morning.. do not be surprised to see interesting frontpage on tmr's newpaper.. no one takes advantage of my loved one and gets away with it...

ps: to top it all, i've yet to receive my fucking kamelot album. it should have arrived latest yesterday. if its still not in by the time i get back home tonight.. i'm gonna give amazon.co.uk hell..

pps: to those who knows how to pick locks and such, pls do pm me, i've always wanted to learn the tricks of the trade, picking locks and such.